He Smiled
by Eule Vix
Summary: "He smiled, and everything about him was perfect. He was always perfect..." Cecil/Carlos, Major Character Death, blood and stuff, crazy head canon
1. You Say Goodbye

He Smiled

By Eule Vix

Disclaimer: I do not own Welcome to NightVale, I do not make any money off this story.

Chapter 1: You Say Goodbye

* * *

I was just meagerly holding onto what last bit of strength I had to keep myself together. I was like a sheet of safety glass, shattered and broken, yet somehow remaining still one entire piece; all that was needed was a small tap and I would crumble. But I had a job, I had to report the news; there was nothing else I could do…

"_Listeners…I arrived at the last standing Old Oak Door…the rest destroyed by the Non-Angel's as our last attempt to keep the blinding light from once again trying to enter Night Vale._

_I found it open, showing the great battle taking place in that other world, the masked men and women doing all they could to fend off the blinding light of the Smiling God._

_Listeners, I….I could see Carlos; brave, perfectly imperfect Carlos at the head of the army, tumbling in the flair of heated fists with that __**monster**__ Kevin._

_I…I did all I could…to keep the Non-Angel's from destroying the door, so that….so that Carlos could come home._

_I cried out to him dear listeners…I cried out for him to run, to return to the door, to…come home, and he heard me listeners. He heard me and he turned to look towards the door, my words must have been carried on wings of love, or longing, or complete and utter wanting. My voice rung out across that vast empty desert, over the many tall heads of the army, and through the sounds of weapons bashing against the searing hiss of that Smiling God._

_Oh…."_

I sucked in a breath and choked down a sob. I shouldn't leave my listeners to silence, but if I didn't pause now and pull that string _tighter_ around my heart and my soul I would never have been able to finish the broadcast. I at least had to finish the broadcast.

"_Oh…dearest wonderful sweet listeners…It was…in that moment, his head turned away from the possessed body of Kevin, eyes searing with the same light that lay behind him, body soaked with blood of fallen warriors…that…Carlos was….injured."_

I quickly clamped my hand over my mouth as to hold back the sobs that wanted to travel through the microphone to the ears of each citizen huddled next to their radio. I sucked a staggered intake of air as I did my best to continue ignoring the tears free flowing down my face.

"_He fell…in a heap upon the ground…my heart seemed to stop…time froze…his body not moving….._

_One of the masked warriors ran up to Kevin and fended him off…giving them enough time to scoop up Carlos…so small…so fragile compared to their large body._

_I ran to them, despite the heavy weight in my legs and my body and my heart…I could feel myself breathing and my blood moving through my body…but my heart…it felt still and cold._

…_.I met them half way. They gently handed Carlos to me. T-they…Gods listeners….h-he…Carlos was…__covered__ in blood….a…l-large gash…across his stomach."_

I couldn't contain it. I had tried so hard, so very hard to keep the wrecking sobs locked in my chest's metaphorical steel cage, but it was not enough. Near every word I now spoke I found myself sobbing.

"_I-I pulled him g-gently into m-my lap. He l-looked up…a-and…h-e smiled, one…on-e…."_

I had to lay my head down on my mixer, my arms wrapped around protectively around my head as my tears fell onto the old electronic device. My cries and wails pulsing from my body into the empty radio booth. I am not sure how long I remained there, feeling my heart, no, my soul slowly die and fade bit my bit and piece by piece at the knowledge of my loss. Once I felt I could speak again I lifted my head, only slightly. I did not care about the wet drops all over my face or the disgusting snot strings that came with weeping as I rested my chin on top of one of my arms as I ran the other, shakily, through my hair; as though by doing so would bring me some form of focus or stability.

"_I….I t-told him…that…I love him…that he ca-n still…make it…_

_He smiled….and t-touched my face…whispered so-mething t-hat I could n-not hear…"_

My voice cracked into a high pitch as I continued, pushing with the last that I had in me.

"_And then….he…d-…..he d-ied…in my arms…."_

I quickly found I could no longer finish the broadcast.

[+]-[+]-[+]

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

"_Listeners. I have some…disturbing news to bring to you today._

_In these past three months almost the entirety of Night Vale, as a community, as a family, came together to…mourn…the loss of our towns most beloved, perfectly imperfect Scientist…and Hero; Carlos._

_We held…the most perfect funeral for my Carlos. Though I know almost all of you were there, it was still so lovely to see so many who cared, cherished, and loved him."_

I wanted to speak of the spectacular send off for him by his team of Scientists. Of the words and experiences that each person there spoke of through tears about him. Of the countless who missed the scientist; of how much I missed the scientist. But the threat of relapsing into quiet sobs hung over my heart, and so I moved on.

_But today listeners I have something so strange, so bizarre and odd even for our small existence in our little town of Night Vale, to tell you._

_Today…a strange man come into town…"_


	2. And I'll Say Hello

He Smiled

By Eule Vix

Disclaimer: I do not own Welcome to Night Vale nor do not make money off of this fic.

Chapter 2: And I'll Say Hello

"_But today listeners I have something so strange, so bizarre and odd even for our small existence in our little town of Night Vale, to tell you._

_Today…a strange man come into town…"_

I sucked in a shuttering gasp, my insides squirming and twisting inside. I needed to say it, because I needed to know if it was true; if he was real. Any information I might be able to get on this new, stranger, might help to bring some form of closure. Or, at least answer some of my stifling questions fogging and suffocating my mind.

"_This man, a witness reported, had perfect hair, a perfect lab coat, and that he came into town toting a large bag full of breakers and humming electrical equipment…_

_The witness however did not happen to catch the name of the said stranger. Instead he informed me "He does __look__ like Carlos, and he may __talk__ like Carlos. But Cecil, I do not think he is Carlos." The witness then gripped me by the shoulders, his eyes burning with a mixture of regret and pity and anger. "Don't go near him Cecil. Not until my troop can see what or who he really is. Promise me Cecil."_

_I could not promise him that, but I did say I would keep my distance the best that I can._

_Listeners, if you do happen to see this…man, please call the station immediately, so that we can keep you and myself, updated on this story."_

I continued the broadcast, calls came in about the man who looked so much like Carlos, but none had more information then what Earl had originally given me. The man wandered about the town, the citizens keeping their distance from him, Earl and his scouts covertly tailing the man but not engaging. When it came time for the weather I ignored all the warnings, tossed aside all of ringing alarm bells in my ears, and left the booth and went to find him myself; and I did.

He was standing in front of the lab, talking to the other Scientists that still remained in Night Vale. Once I had caught sight of him every fiber of my body clenched and felt electrified. He did look so much like Carlos; his hair was the same as I had first seem him so many years ago, a dignified touch of grey still at his temples and his coat white and pristine. He turned and I could see his profile.

My feet started to move, my control on them non-existent as I ran to him, blood pulsing. I _knew_ that face, every inch of it. I saw that face in my dreams at night and memories at day. I knew not only his face, but his body, his mind, his dreams, his tastes in food, his body language and verbal language. I _knew_ him. No, I _know_ him.

"Carlos!"

I didn't care how, or why, but Carlos had come _back_ and that was all that mattered. He heard me, fully turning towards my direction; his dark amber brown eyes went large at my running approach. It was him without a doubt now! I practically leapt onto him and I gathered him into a hug, tears falling easy from my eyes.

"Carlos! Sweet perfect Carlos you're _back!"_ I sobbed and pulled my arms tighter around him. I was so relieved, so happy to see him. Three months waiting and by some unforeseen miracle he was alive again. I didn't care if I made it back to the booth or not, if I was fired even. I had Carlos again in my life, the bright beacon of love, and joy, and happiness, and science; my bright, shining ember in the dark. I broke away from him as I wiped the tears from my face. I started to frantically talk, a slight fear in the back of my mind that I might just be dreaming or hallucinating or that this was just some temporary temporal distortion and it was my last chance to talk to him again.

"Carlos, I-I'm so glad that y-you're home! I thought I had l-lost you forever!" My heart's beat started to pick up as I felt the frantic spasms of worry under my skin. I was starting to remember the events of the funeral and the events of three months ago.

"I…I _held_ you as you died Carlos! I was there and preformed the proper rights and rituals when they _buried _you! H-how did you survive? How a-are you alive Carlos? Is it some Temporal distortion or has the world re-set?" I turned to his scientists who stood, mouths agape at, as I inquired them for answers silently. Rachelle slowly shook her head, the quiet causing my hairs to stand. There was something wrong. I turned back to Carlos, desperate for answers.

"Then your _real_! But…but how? Carlos, how did you get home? How did you cheat the black obsidian hands of death?" I watched him, my arms out in front of me, pleading. It was then I took in his stance, closed in on himself, a clip board tightly clenched to his chest, his breathing heavy and just under a pant. His eyes still wide, but also uncertain and frightened. I straightened my posture as my own fear crept into my body, cold and slithering.

"Carlos?" I said tentatively as I reached my hand out slightly to him. He flinched back away from the hand and I could feel my heart tear.

"Who…Do I know you, sir?"

"You're Carlos right? You…you have to be, _you look just like him._"

"Yes, I am Carlos. Have we met before?" He said his words carefully, as though I was a ravenous librarian just inches away from locking my jaws around his neck.

"You...you don't remember me? _At all?_" He squinted his eyes his brow crinkling in thought as he considered my being again.

"I don't believe that I do. Should I?"

"Yes. You should…"

It was shortly after that I left, using the first excuse that came to mind and apologizing for the intrusion.

I came back to the booth late. My chest was heavy, my nerves numb and frayed. I didn't know if the interns had been playing recorded ads or if maybe the Faceless Old Woman had come by to speak again. It did not matter once I slunk over to my chair, arms shakily placing the headphones back onto my head, and the red 'On Air' light of the booth blinked on.

"_Sorry that I was gone for so long, Listeners. I __did__ manage to find the, strange, new man that came into town today."_

My chest tightened and a sob hung in my throat, like dark ichor sticking to the insides of my body closing and catching all bodily functions.

"_He…said he name was Carlos. He said that, he doesn't __remember__ me. He looks just like my Carlos, he talks and acts like my Carlos. But he…he isn't __my__ Carlos."_


	3. Wake Me Up

He Smiled

By Eule Vix

Disclaimer: I do not own Welcome to Night Vale nor do not make money off of this fic.

Chapter 3: Wake Me Up

That night I couldn't sleep. It wasn't only the usual empty and frigid feeling of the house like that of long shadowed fingers reaching out from the depths of which you can never see. It wasn't just the lone echo of my wrist watch, ticking in the dark like a cry or a plead for some to talk; to say something, anything, to break the silence. Nor was it the uncomfortable springs of the couch jagged and prodding like thoughts of so many things that could never be changed, such as the many regrets and wishes that would never be realized or accepted.

It was that of all the people in the _world_ I expected Carlos to…recognize me.

I stared at my celling, hands tucked uncomfortably under my head the blood slowly being pushed out from them. I ignored it, the restlessness and pain in my heart out weighing any slight physical discomfort as I searched my brain for what answers I wanted to find.

Maybe he had been re-educated? That did not work, for it did not explain how he was now amongst the living. Maybe he had not earned his death and City Council had re-invoked his life, somehow? It was possible. No, I'm wrong with that. He was a Hero, if anyone had earned his death he would have; regardless that I wish he hadn't. Maybe Strex was back and they had created a Carlos-bio-machine and sent him back to-. No, he would have lacked eyes or at the least been covered in blood and affordable business casual clothing. None of these seem right and at every new idea I could find some way to debunk it, to turn the passing answer over and know it as the lie it was.

I sat up on the couch, leaned against my elbows that I placed upon my knees and held my head in my hands. I wanted to weep, to yell and to scream, to smash every picture frame and dish in the house, to kick in the walls; anything to let out the towering and twisting emotions contained within me. Instead I did nothing. I sat there, feeling lost and hurt. My fingers entailed with my hair, my nails dug into my scalp, utterly and completely distraught.

I didn't move until there was a quiet knock on my door. The sound didn't cause me to jolt, my internal war more loud the any sounds that could be around me. I tried to push the rapping out of my mind, hoping I would be left alone to myself. It was when the third rap against the door came that I could no longer pretend.

I stood up, hurried over to the door. I peered thought the peep hole, the shadowed figure of the Earl still in his Chef's outfit and his arms crossed. Tentatively I opened the door, and stepped to the side so that he could come in. Once he was inside I closed the door and leaned against it, avoiding looking at him. I knew why he came over, I didn't need to ask and quiet honestly I wanted to tell him to piss off. I had enough to deal with and 'talking about my feelings' was not what I wanted to do at the moment. But, with the 'topic' at hand I already knew that Earl wouldn't leave me alone and if he had to, would pull some of his old Scout Master tricks to get inside. He was silent with his back to me for some time. I briefly entertained the idea that maybe he would realize this was a horrible idea, he would leave and come back tomorrow for coffee. I could hear the shuffle of his feet as he turned towards me.

"You promised, Ceec." His voice low, disappointed but without anger or accusation of some wrong deed.

"I promised you nothing Early. I said I would try."

"That wasn't trying, in fact it was-"

"Yes it was. You can't expect me to _not_ do my job Earl." I was spinning him truthful lies, anything he might grab and take as truth to just let this spider-wolf be. "I'm a reporter Earl, I can't _not _report! I was getting nowhere with the story, I had to do something!"

"That's just an excuse Cecil! I expected you of all people to have some kind of control! Carlos, _supposed to be dead never to come back_ Carlos, is in town and we don't know anything about him. Cecil this new Carlos could be _dangerous_!" I bristled at the word of death, a word I had said so often but now felt like soft flesh around exposed bone every time it was mentioned; a re-opening each time of new wounds.

"I have _plenty_ of control Earl."

"No you don't Cecil! Your _dead _boyfriend comes waltzing into town an-" I moved my arm as though to violently cast aside his words. My eyes now locked on his form, his hands were out and pleading, his face taunt with worry.

"_He is not dead Earl!_" I yelled out my words feeling the grate in the back of my throat from the volume and projection of my own voice. Earl's retorted, his voice meeting mine in vigor and strength.

"_You watched him die Cecil! _He is _dead_ and whatever that _thing_ or _person_ might be they are _not Carlos!"_

"_Do you think I don't know this?_" Earl flinched. "_That I don't know this better then you? His blood was in my __lap__ Earl. I was there as I held him in his last breathes and you were __not_!" I sucked in deeply to continue yet effecting slightly in a calming. "He was brave and he was fearless. He gave his life for Night Vale, for us, for…me." In truth, I did not feel that he gave his life at all, but rather it had been taken. Taken by the bloodied hands of Kevin enraptured and possessed by the powers of the Smiling God; and by myself. If I hadn't called to him, if I hadn't wanted him home so badly he would still be live. I wouldn't have to walk the same sidewalks as him with him unable to know my name.

"The _least_ I could do is try Earl!"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt Cecil! Not again."

"I'm _already_ hurting Earl! My boyfriend has somehow, through maybe some kind of dark magic or time travel anomaly or maybe just plain old necromancy, is walking the hot desert sand of Night Vale again. He is back and remembers _nothing_ of me! I cannot leave Night Vale and I have to watch him scurry about the town streets, eat at Big Rico's, preform town saving science, and just live a life without me in it!" My fists were balled and I could feel myself shaking. It was not of fury, as the hot tears rolled down my face .

"Three months ago was the last time I _held_ him Earl. Near seven months before that was the last time we had shared the same damn _bed_." My breathing was staggered and I found myself feeling as though there was just not enough _air_ in the room. I balled my fists in hope to gain for form of control.

"He _is_ Carlos, he _has_ to be Carlos. Maybe by some miracle he only needs time for his memories to come back! Maybe he would be able to tell us what happened to him! But Earl…I _have _to try. I need the chance to see if I can get him to remember. You can't ask me to live a life with Carlos in it, but not a part of it…" I could hear the light pitter patter of my own tears as the fell to the tile floor. The room was still and quiet save for my own whimpers and sobs.

"Ceec…" I put my hands to my face and wept.

"I _miss_ him…I miss him so much Earl…_I have to try_. I have to _try_ and see if my Carlos is still in there, so that we might be able to pick up our lives again….or at least the chance to say...goodbye."

I fell to my knees and Earl, protective and worried Earl, came and wrapped his arms around me. He said nothing and let me cling to him; my tears and mucus soaking little spots on his Chef coat. My mind was ablaze with the thought of my last few words with Carlos. I had told him only a vow of love, his words left to be un-received over the clash of the army that has been around us. The same chill from day now echoed in my heart, mixing with the ever present longing I had carried for so long and the new sorrow I had for such a short time now. My body shook as I howled from the unseen pain I held inside. A pain I could not fix, not alone, and quite possibly, not ever have the chance to.

He was gone and yet he was not and I decided as my body tore it's self asunder that no one should ever have to feel the pain of loving and being the only one to remember that love. My muscles worked themselves tired in spasms, my breath would move from sobbed heaves to hyperventilating weeps every so often. My throat soon became raw and my body weak. But Earl stayed, and he held me and let me expel all that I could of my anguish.

Eventually I ran myself emotionally empty, my body tired from the stress and the heaving. My arms went slack and my cries died down to whimpers and tears could no longer run down my face. Earl gently scooped me up, and carried me to the bedroom. He was speaking, he held my close to his body the warmth of another human feeling so comfortable and warm I near fell asleep, but I could not hear him in my twilighted almost slumber. He placed me onto the bed, the smells of cinnamon and lavender mixed, faintly lingering in all the sheets and pillows. Instinctively I grabbed the nearest pillow and wrapped around it letting myself bask in the remembered smells of Carlos; I let myself pretend that Carlos had remembered me and that he was here again in my arms. I was too exhausted to fight myself as I wove between memories of him and us together. I soon feel asleep, but before I completely felt to a harsh slumber I heard a faint sound.

"Goodnight Cecil…goodnight." With that my mind grew blank. Sleep carried me from the bed in its arms, whisking me away in to pleasant things and frightening circumstances. Into love of the past and the hoped love of the future. Of Carlos and I on our first date and the hoped sweep of loving arms when Carlos finally remembered who I was.

[+]-[+]-[+]

The next morning I woke stiff, the taste of sickness on my tongue, my fibers in every inch of me feeling alit bright and sensitive. I remembered my break down of the night before and weakly, silently, thanked Earl and promised to thank him again when I saw him. For now I just lay curled protectively around a pillow in our bed. My senses wrapped in the feel of our high count sheets, soft and near silky on my skin. I inhaled the mix of our scents as I remembered hot nights and cold ones, cuddles and exchanged kisses. Again the pain washed around me and enveloped me. I then spent the next hour in early morning light peering at me from the window, weeping into the pillow. I thought about retracting my thank you to Earl for placing me in the bed, or even in the room, I had been avoiding for months now.

I was able to eventually drag myself out of bed and call into work, letting the interns know that the proper chants to appease Station Management needed to be done for the 'absence of the voice' because I was not coming into work today. They started to protest but I hung up on them before I could hear it. I spent my day at home, avoiding the bed room and avoiding any thoughts about Carlos for fear of relapse. Earl did not come over that day.

Days slowly turned into a few weeks as I tried to get back into my routine of life. I decided that, for now, I would see if I could just let Carlos maybe remember on his own; assuming that he could. But each time I caught a glimpse of him around town, always with another Scientist in tow, I would still and my heart would pound painfully and the veins of sorry would pump poison throughout my body. I tried to avoid him, but over and over again his science and his work would creep into the broadcasts I was forced to read. At home the photo's and trinkets that were once his or held his image mocked me and took my last shred of piece. It was two weeks after Carlos had come back that I decided I would talk to him again, that I had to do something for some kind of closure. I couldn't live like this anymore.

It was fairly early in the day still, the sun had risen unusually quiet that day which I had been glad for. I made my way to his labs, hoping I could ask Rachelle or Dave where he might be. I knocked on the door, hands behind my back, eyes cast down watching a family of ants as they carried tiny suitcases and backpacks. I backed up a bit, giving them some space and to make sure I did not step on them, they were moving onward to new places and I did not want to be the obstacle in their way; at least they were able to do so in the first place. My head snapped up as the door opened, Rachelle loomed in the doorway. He brown hair pulled back into the high pony tail she always wore and her large body and frame blocking any possible entrance into the lab. She smiled weakly.

"Wat' can I do ya' for Cecil?" My mouth was dry and sticky. I felt stupid for asking, too used to not needing to yet knowing I must.

"I wanted to see Carlos…if I could."

"I don' know if I can do that Cecil." Her smile was no longer on her face, her features lax and sad, arms crossed against her body. "He's not quite right at ta moment."

"I know…Please Rachelle, I need to talk to him. Just for a while." She closed her eyes in thought. I waited patently for her answer, ready for what she thought would be possible. I hoped that the tides were in my favor and I was not asked to leave. Her eyes reopened and her face static.

"Jus' a moment Cecil. Kay?" I nodded and she turned back inside and closed the door behind her. Minutes past but eventual she emerged again. She leaned close and whispered to me quiet words meant only for me, her, and the Sheriff's Secret Police operative that loomed somewhere near by.

"Jus'…be _careful _now kay. _We_ don' quite understand 'im yet, where he came from n' all." I could feel my eye dilate as they widened. "So keep on yur' toes." She turned back into lab and I stumbled as I followed her into the lab. We moved around the large metal shelves all stacked with various experiments and equipment and towards the second floor. I could see all the equipment was still in the same places they had near always been, perched on desks some with new experiments inside them left in mid execution some empty and ready for use. I remembered when Carlos and I had taken a few of the pieces of equipment and he used them to show me some experiments. I could remember his face lit and bright in his perfect smile. I moved my thoughts away from him as I studied the wearing hem of Rachelle's lab coat.

We continued until up, moving towards the floor I knew they used for their living spaces. It felt odd being up here again, the last time being when I had helped Carlos pack his belonging when we moved in together. I followed her to the end of the hall and waited as she knocked on the door.

"C-come in." I felt the hairs on my neck prickle and goose bumps arise in tingled waves over my body. I was no longer sure I could do this. But the door was opened and Rachelle entered, quietly and autonomously, I followed.

His room was quiet empty, the white walls bare of much then his degrees and a few photo's of his family that he knew to have left back thousands of miles away in his home town. Cold fear percolated inside my body, every inch of me was afraid and scared as I could not break my sight from the objects that were completely identical to the ones I had at home.

"Are you alright?" Carlos questioned. I jolted and glanced to the small desk situated in the center of the room, notes were layered on his desk, his coat was dirty from possible early morning science, but his hair was messed as though he had again forgotten to sleep. My eyes flickered from him back to the pictures and degrees on the wall and then back to him.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine." I stammered.

"Cecil, was it?" I forgot the items once I had again heard my name be rolled in his golden voice. I felt a small weight lifted from me as I felt that he had started to remember. If he knew my name, if he had learned of it on his own, maybe the rest would come shortly. Maybe soon I would have my lover back.

"Y-you remember?" The heaviness was replaced as he shook his head, a frown on his face, his perfect teeth hidden behind his pursed lips.

"No, my scientists…informed me of you, a bit."

"Oh…" I decided that my nerves and my body needed a focus, something to ground me, so I started to twist and rub my hands together in front of me. For now I would be able to hold myself together.

"You had something you wanted to speak to me about correct? As you can see I'm currently working on a very important project. I've been calculating the times between here in Night Vale and in other places in the world. The results are quite astounding and disturbing, but I need to run some more tests because what the results are saying do not make any _sense_!" As he explained he no longer looked at me as he gestured with his hands, showing his excitement and frustration at the whole of the problem. I could feel a smile tug at my face at how he was still so much the same, but I had not the heart to keep it. He paused and looked up to me before exclaiming suddenly.

"Sorry! I," he rubbed the back of his head as he spoke, looking sheepishly to the ground. "tend to ramble, sometimes."

"No, no! It's fine Carlos." I wanted to tell him how I had missed his sometimes endless streams of information, how it was one of the things I loved about him. But I did not want to push anything, I didn't want to ruin any possible chances of getting him back by only driving him away.

"I had been meaning to ask…how _did_ you know my name?" I wanted to lie. I wanted to tell him I had accidentally consumed some of the glowing green ooze that lived in the break room fridge by accident. My mouth and mind had other plans.

"You were my boyfriend, of course I know your name."

"That's…_impossible_ Cecil. I have never met you before in my _life_!" I could tell he was nervous, perhaps frightened, for as he spoke he turned back to his desk, busying his body by reorganizing the papers on his desk fruitlessly.

"Ain't true Carlos." Rachelle chimed in, one hand on her hip, the other gesturing to me. "Cecil t'was your flame here for some time now, I thought tha others would a' told ya that…I mean they've been here longer than I, I thought they would've informed ya'." Carlos stopped and placed the papers he had in his hand, slowly turning to Rachelle.

"No…they failed to mention that theory." I winced at his words. A tingle like the light touch of a feathers edge swept its way from the top of my head to my feet, pacing up and down my body in a fluid never stopping motion. As it did a slow build of annoyance and anger spiraled in my chest; I had never felt so uncomfortable before. I pleaded to him.

"It is not a _theory_ Carlos! You might not remember it now, but we had a _life _together. We went on dates sometimes, because other times you would get busy doing science and would forget about the date. You have a tendency to chew loudly while eating. Masters of us Carlos, I _know_ you have a mole on your left butt cheek! How cou-"

"Ya' have a mole on yer' ass?" Rachelle questioned pointedly at Carlos.

"Yes, but _neither_ of you are supposed to know that!" He exclaimed. I then watched his face quickly change from embarrassment to confusion. His forehead pinched together in thought and his hands going to his knees as he leaned forward watching me. His words were slow and drawn out, a sign of him thinking frantically trying to accommodate for the world around him as he knew it changing.

"Wait, this is _impossible…_This is scientifically impossible!"

"Carlos this is Night Vale! During my time with you I learned just how strange and weird my own home town is. How so many things work in a way that they just are not supposed to!" I paused for a moment in thought, maybe there was some kind of test or study he could do. Static anxiety continued its tread up and down my body as I did my best to keep it at bay; to keep myself from spilling over in words or to suddenly turn around and run home. I was so, so afraid that in the end it would be pointless, that he would never remember, that the oddity of Night Vale for once worked against me.

"What if you ran some tests? Maybe if you did that on yourself you might discover how this is even possible?" Rachelle placed her hands into her coat pockets as she turned to face me.

"Darlin' we did that tha day he got here. His existence might be…weird, but sugar our tests show that he's tha real McCory. No time laps particles or misplaced atoms or them tiny nana'-bots that cover his skin like them old Strex bots had."

"Then…maybe there's something else we could do!" I could tell in my own voice that I was starting to lose control over myself, slowly slipping.

"Cecil, I don't t-" His voice was low, concerned. I knew what he might say, dreaded words I did not want to hear. Or, at least I assumed the worst of what he could say. Topics of dismissal boiled in my head.

"No there's got to be something! Maybe…" In my panicked mind an idea wiggled its way forward, it was typical and silly, but maybe it would work.

"Maybe I can take you around town. I can show you all the places we went together! I can show you some of the experiments you let me do with you and the places we went on our first few dates. Carlos, I can even bring you…home." The emotions whirling in my body became too much for me to hold onto, and quickly my pent up fears welled out from my eyes spilling onto my face as tears.

"If you remember then we can figure out how you got here right? Find out what brought you back! Just…please let me at least try, you've got to let me try!" I couldn't look at him or I knew I would shatter into horrid sobs, so I put my hands to my face; an effort to blot out what was around me and to push back the tears still leaking out onto my face. I could feel myself start to shake.

There was the small sound of a chair being rolled back in the quiet room. It wasn't long till I felt the weight of a hand, a welcome and dearly missed warmth. I pulled my hands away and looked into the brown eyes of Carlos, standing in from of me. He was not afraid, as he had been before or even so long ago when we had first met. His features were soft and pitted with worry and the want to comfort.

"I can't promise you that I will remember anything Cecil…But I am willing to see if I can." He tugged his face into a smile, not with teeth but a sweet gentle smile that had been missing from my life. As he smiled my heart leapt amidst the tightness in my chest, still completely in love.


	4. Before You Go Go

He Smiled

By Eule Vix

Disclaimer: I do not own Welcome to Night Vale nor do not make money off of this fic.

Chapter 4: Before You Go Go

The next week I spent planning, pulling from my brain every possible thing I could cram for us to do in one day. I spent all my free time jotting down notes as memories resurfaced, giving me new ideas and new plans. Sometimes I would startle myself, discovering a memory that had been near lost. I wondered how many more I had forgotten. Then I would ponder about Carlos, his memories possibly locked away so deeply in his brilliant mind. How whatever process that brought him to Night Vale must have been intense for him to have forgotten. He was always reminding me of the little things I would forget; for him to have lost his memories, it must have been something close to re-education.

But there were times I was realistic. Times when I would lay on the couch after deciding that today I didn't want to eat. I would watch the unmoving popcorn-like splatters the covered the ceiling and wrapped myself in thought. I would think of how the chances of him actually remembering were so slim. That if he was going to remember he would have by now. That what I was doing was trying to fulfill some desperate wish, betting on numbers I knew not of.

I put my hands over my face as I openly wept curled up on my side. I would then sink into the back of the couch, wanting to coon myself. To blot out that the world around me existed, that I existed. It would be after I had wormed my way into a cramped fetal position, face and hands entirely wet, body shaking, that I would fall into a nightmarish sleep.

The week went all too quickly, and I now found myself on the doorstep of the lab. It was early in the morning, the sun still loud and its warmth starting to prickle along my skin. My hand wrapped tightly around the large Erlenmeyer flask I used as a vase. His favorite flowers, dark purple fuchsias, spilled out from the top in layers. My hands tightened further around the neck of the flask, and for a moment I worried that it might shatter.

There was a small click just ahead of me, my eyes refocused as the door slowly start to open. I sucked in the warm desert air as Carlos, his head still turned towards the inside of the lab, stood before me in the now open doorway.

"Dave, I'm heading out! I shouldn't be-" He turned towards me, mouth hanging open as he blinked. He took a small step back as he shifted uncomfortably, his eyes traveling the length of my body. "Oh. Hi, Cecil. I-it is good to see you again...so soon."

"It is good to see you too, Carlos." I spoke slowly as I cocked my head slightly to the side. His eyes searching the area around us, only once looking back inside of the building. I pulled the flowers closer to my body, its proximity somehow soothing. He turned back to me and gestured with one hand, the other buried deep into his pocket.

"Listen, I'm about to head out and do some science on a shape that I found yesterday in Grove Park. No one seems to be willing to talk about it, not even my own Team! I've tried everything I can think of to get them to talk about it but they all refuse! So, if there is anything that you need help with I'm sure one of my Team certainly can." My pulse began to climb, my fingers twitched slightly, and a faint smile wanted to tug at the corners of my mouth. An odd nostalgia and panic mixed weirdly in my gut.

"Carlos, we planned this last week." Again I was given another blinking stare.

"We…did?"

"Yes, you said that you would be willing to let me take you around town…to see if you could remember."

"That right…I did, didn't I." Slowly, an awkward grin etched across his face as he rubbed the back of his head.

"It's alright, Carlos. Maybe I should just come back tomorrow or another da-" He waved his arms frantically in front of him.

"No, no! It's fine, I want to help you…" He put his hands back into his pockets as he continued, his eyes darting everywhere but me. "Besides, the shape doesn't seem to be going anywhere and the Science experiments I had planned for the day can be put off for a while." He started to gesture with his hands, lost in his own train of thought.

"Okay, well some of them can't wait. Specimen #628 is very impatient and can get quite cranky when left alone for too long. It also needs to be fed every two hours, but I'm sure if I asked Inez she would be willing to watch it for me. Then there is #297 which needs to have its tank cleaned of glowing ooze every day...I'm sure I could get Dave to do it...But I think he's busy with #82 which got lose this morning and we haven't been able to find it…"

I found myself smiling, just a small smile that hung loosely on my face, but it was still a smile. It had been months since I had been able to allow myself the luxury to be happy. I allowed myself to slip into pretending, to think that he had never died. I quickly recovered, trying to convince myself that had not just happened; that I did not still miss him that much. It was time to stop Carlos, for now.

"Carlos."

"Y-yes?"

"If you've got too much to do, we can reschedule."

He was quiet, one hand went to his chin the other resting on his elbow.

"No…No, I would like to help you. The possibility of me having a life before I got to Night Vale is quite intriguing! I do not believe that such thing is possible. However, with what I have seen, with the experiments I have been able to learn from and perform in these past two weeks, I have learned so much! I'm starting to think that there being another me could actually be quite possible. To not try and figure out exactly what's is going on would be near Scientific blasphemy!" He looked me up and down for a moment, his face tightening at the brow. "I do have one question though…"

"Uh-huh." I nodded slowly.

"Why the flowers and the outfit? Its middle of summer, those pants must be very hot…"

[+]-[+]-[+]

It had taken a little over an hour, between me explaining my choice of clothing and Carlos informing his team of his leave for the day, but eventually we left the lab and headed to the sand wastes first. The ride was quiet, the vibrations of the car mixing with my own shaking as I gripped the wheel. Occasionally I glanced at Carlos, his hands in his lap, fiddling with the hem of his coat. We shortly arrived at the sand wastes, quickly moving out of the car and into the fast flat desert landscape.

"So, Carlos, do you recognize this place at all?" He was a few feet ahead of me, scanning the landscape.

"I know my team had told me a bit about the sand wastes, but I have never been. Until now…" Shortly after we left, headed back down dusty roads to town.

The rides between each place were the same, and the reactions from Carlos became a repetition as well. We went to Big Rico's, where he said he was still getting used to the idea of eating pizza once a week but remembered nothing of the afternoon lunches we had together, or the spur of the moment dinner dates with picked up pizza and movies. New was the Moonlight All Night Dinner, and again he knew nothing of the coffees we had shared there. The Library, City Hall, the auditorium at the school where they held the PTA meetings, none of it triggered anything. At each stop I found myself driving faster.. I was near the end of my list and only three places remained. I had desperately hoped that he would have remembered something by now; but Carlos was as unmoved as the void over Night Vale.

I looked over to Carlos. He was no longer fidgety and had taken to laying back against the seat, staring out of the window. His face was hidden from my full view, his features lost to me. I gave up and continued the short drive to Gino's. I pulled into the parking lot and found a space, putting the car into park. I left it running as I relaxed my strained and stressed body as I too took to watching the outside bustle of my little town.

"You…don't have to keep doing this, Carlos." I could hear his coat rustle as he shifted. "There are only a few places left. If you still do not recall anything-"

"Cecil." I jerked slightly from his tone. It was soft, gentle. I turned my head and met his eyes. "I told you, I want to help. You said there are just a few more places correct? I see no harm in seeing those places as well."

"If you're sure..." I decided not to press the issue, and began to mess with my seat belt.

As I did, he shifted about, turning completely so he could see Gino's behind us. I stopped what I was doing and watched him. As he gazed at the building he suddenly laughed, a small and airy chuckle, before turning back.

"I would have worn one of my weekend Lab Coats if I had known we were going to a place like this." He then near stumbled out of the car and shut the door behind him.

There had been nothing, no clues or showing that he was even close to knowing anything of our past; now my chest buzzed with desperate hope. I burst out of the car, meeting him outside. I brought him around the building, showing him the room where we had our first date in. When we arrived outside of the room he immediately tried to peer into the window, face pressed against the glass.

"Anything familiar?"

"No….but, Cecil. Why did we come here? And why don't we just go inside instead of viewing it from out here?"

I shoved my hands into my pockets, my nervous feeling unsettled. This was a story I used to love to tell so many people, one that I even told over the radio. I never had to tell it to Carlos, I never thought I would have to. It was like a cord I had followed so many times, but this time I had come to a frayed end where it should have continued.

"There are no doors inside, Carlos."

"Oh? Well that is quite intriguing! I must come back sometime for my own research and tests! People can get inside right? This place is open and a running establishment correct?"

"Yes. It's….it's where we had our first date, Carlos…" He froze from his moving about the window, his whole body stiff. "You don't remember anything about it?" His shoulders slumped, his body seeming slack.

"No I...I do not."

"Oh…then," My hands balled in my pockets. I thought of our next destination, I thought of the one after that, I thought of even what I would do then for dinner or if I even planned to eat. Anything I could grasp my mind to so that I did not have to face that Carlos had lost the memory of something so, so important.

"I suppose we should head to our next stop..." He spun around and walked up to me, his voice small and careful.

"Wait...why don't you tell me what happened? Maybe...if you tell me, I can remember?" A solid lump formed in my throat, I knew if I spoke my voice would shake and creak. I swallowed in an attempt to clear it and spoke.

"Well...I picked you up from the lab that day...We can here first, avoiding the bright dark masses starting to appear about town that day." He listening intently, his brown etched in thought as I spoke. I watched his face for any changes showing that I struck something familiar. However as I continued with the story he only became increasingly confused.

"We approached the entrance, and as typical for Gino's, we were seated without any memory of how we got inside or how we were sat. We both ate bloody Portobellos and we chatted...We ended it with invisible carrot cake and shortly after made our escape…"

"Our escape?"

"Y-yes...through the window. They gave us a brick at the start of the meal."

"That is...certainly strange."

"I suppose." I started to rub my hands together as I pushed myself to ask. "But, Carlos, is anything at least familiar?" Carlos pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes scrunched closed.

"I...don't believe so, Cecil…" My heart sank, the hope that I had been clutching fallen back into the darkness of my mind. "But...it does feel like I have been here before. Maybe in passing or maybe like some…dream..." He then turned to face the building again and grew quiet.

It was shortly after that we clamored back into the car starting the drive to the station. The trip was rather short, but still gave my mind time to wonder. Of how there was some slim chance of hope for me to have my Carlos back. I clung to the notion of it all I pulled into my parking spot near the front door.

"Is...this your work, Cecil?" I looked up, startled, my hand on the driving shaft of the car.

"Yes it is. Why do you ask?" The was a building in my chest. Did he remember something else? Was something of memory coming to mind?

"You….won't get into any trouble for bringing me here, will you?" My shoulders slumped as the feeling in my chest subsided.

"No, Station Management tends to stay in their office, but they can be quite deadly... you may not remember...Just promise not to go opening any large, orange glowing, stone doors."

Carlos nodded, his eyes wide, but he did not speak any further on the matter. Unnerved by the silence, I got out of the car, and headed towards the front door of the station. I heard Carlos leave the car, quick steps of his converse shoes against the pavement as he followed me. I did the normal blood ritual to enter the door: a quick prick on the finger. We both entered, Carlos silent as I held the door for him.

I took him through the halls of the Station, and up the one flight of stairs, leading him to the main booth. A tightness in my chest started to form as we came closer to the room I worked in every day. I had planned to show him a few of the recordings I had when he had been on the radio with me. The few times that he had. My chest started to hurt as we drew closer, my fingers starting to twitch in nervous spasms inside of my pockets.

Soon we were at the booth. I had left out the records I planned to show him the night before; I had spent many hours during the week searching and listening to the recordings, finding the right ones I wanted to show Carlos. I had settled on having him listen to when the condos came to town. When he wanted us to get a home together, to build a life together. I stopped my thoughts there, the pain of it all causing my body to tremble and tears threaten to fall. I blinked them away as we entered the room.

"Is this your booth, Cecil?" I turned around to Carlos, near forgetting that he was even behind me, my own thoughts wrapping me into my own mental world.

"Yes...I had something I wanted you to listen to." He blinked a few times in confusion.

"But...I already listen to your show, Cecil...every time you're on." I could not have heard him right, just as much as time did not work there was no way Carlos could have said what he just did.

"What did you say?" He flinched at the urgency in my voice.

"I...already listen to your show...I-if you were to show me a recording then I have already heard you...over the radio…" All of me wanted to reach out, grab him by the shoulders, and demand how he knew that. He was remembering, he had to. He would not have said that if he did not.

"What can you remember now? Anything, anything at all that would make you say that?" He took a slight step back, hands up and open in defense.

"N-no! I-Inez told me to, the day I first came to Night Vale, after she had ran all of those tests on me she suggested that I should! To learn the culture and receive warnings, completely for scientific purposes!"

My mind went silent, my nerves and my body lay still. It was as though I had been put into a blast freezer. Or it could be that one time a year where time went still, all in Night Vale becoming lifeless for a few mere seconds able to be discerned by our limited human senses. Regardless, I stood there fixed and empty.

"Carlos…I…" I took in a harsh, forced gulp of air. "Believe there is something you need to hear…"

With unsteady legs I made my way to the desk, propping myself up with my arms as I reached the strong wood; the soft steps of Carlos's feet behind me. With shaky fingers I picked up the tape a put it in to the player.

Together we listened. My hands, body, and mind so unsteady that the thought of fast forwarding was a concept I no longer comprehended. I moved myself to the chair, knowing what was to come soon. The echo of my lover's imprint in my life, a voice I no longer heard, and love no longer given. I felt alone in the room, and in the world. Everything fell away, each second another mark in a long row bringing me closer to a remaining remnant. My heart beat excruciatingly in my chest as though it had grown claws and was ripping it way out as I heard my self talk of receiving a phone call.

I remembered why I have not listened to the tapes, why I had avoided them for so so long. His voice saying my name rang through the room and reverberated in me. His voice was so different than the other Carlos, I had forgotten he had changed it, that the Carlos I had met some time ago was not like this. I had been so desperate to have him back, and I had forgotten. I leaned forward in my chair, my body twitching in spasms of sobs. I put my hands on my face, a scream of agony ripping for release at my throat, tears flowing between my fingers and pooling on the desk. I couldn't hold it, my mouth opened and the horrid noises of my weeping pushed forth, choked and half stifled.

I wanted to yell, to destroy the equipment that sat on my desk, to do something that would render myself empty of it all. But I could not. I slumped onto the desk, arms smearing the tears and coating one side of my forearms as I added new tears to the tiny salt pools.

The record played on, and my tears kept flowing, a never ending stream of the hurt that I could feel winding around me, strangling my soul and draining it till it would be nothing more than a dried husk of what it was. I would then be left with nothing, I would be empty, as the room I was in, and the world that I lived in without him. I had nothing left. No, there never was anything left and never again would there be. I had been so foolish to ever think there was or would be once he was gone. I had been so stupid, so very stupid to cling to some hope that I would be okay.

I felt a warmth suddenly on my shoulder, the unexpectedness of it causing me to flinch. I spun around, expecting the warmth to leave, for it to have just been the hand of the Faceless Old Woman. Instead I looked up into the face of Carlos.

That was right, I was not alone in the room. I had brought him here. I had brought him here, a Carlos that did not sounds like my Carlos, that did not act like my Carlos, that was not my Carlos. But he looked like my Carlos, and he sounded like my Carlos had when he first arrived, and he loved science like my Carlos.

I no longer knew what to think, my brain exhausted from running in circles of what he was and what he could be. I was tired, of the stress and of the pain. My grip on it all slipped, the tears came back full force as I howled into the shoulder my face became pressed to. My body shaking in the arms that wrapped around me. For the first time in three months I let it all go, clinging to the body of someone so familiar and yet still so alien.

[+]-[+]-[+]

A few minutes or maybe an hour or two had past when I finally cried myself dry. Carlos silently helped my up and lead me out of the booth. As I dragged my feet across the carpeted floor I could hear the quiet clicking of the recording. The show long over and only the unused portions of the tape playing, white noise and empty space echoing the feelings I held in my hollowed body. Eventually, he lead me to the car and helped me into the passenger side. Once the door was closed I lay my forehead against the window and kept my gaze to the outside world. The quiet, lonely, and hot desert that was and had always been my home. Even as we drove down the street passing people, family and friends enjoying another day of existence or fleeing for their lives, I felt so alone.

Everything hurt, and now I knew it always would. No matter what was done I would quiet possibly never feel better or whole again. How before this new Carlos came into my life, back into Night Vale, I felt i might have found some closure or overcome my grief in some manner. Now it was like wishing the void to longer terrorize those who looked into it or that time would for once work correctly. It was something completely impossible, something unreachable, a well filled up to my waist and walls covered in thick sludge unable to be gripped. I was trapped, between my own feelings of sorrow and longing; none ever to be quenched or satisfied.

"So," I felt the muscles on the side of my head near my ears twitch at the sudden noise, the rest of my body too tired and drained to flinch otherwise. "where do you live, Cecil?"

I did not want to speak, I wanted to be silent and left alone. My voice had already been shredded by my hysterics, everything left shaken and unsteady. I tried though, my words coming out as a near whisper.

"Down near Old Town...Just a few blocks away from your lab…" It was all I could muster, the actual names and directions escaping my worn mind. After a moment I heard him hum in response, I already falling back into my mind.

I had been so sure, so positive that this would work. I had picked the places where we have visited the most, or where we had the most memories together, and nothing triggered anything. He might not have been the Carlos I had before, but if I could even have a small fragment of the past I would be happy. If I had just a hint of the Carlos I knew and loved was still alive in some fashion I would have been more than willing to throw myself into a delusion that he was my Carlos.

That the day he died so long ago had never happened, and it had been just some lengthy fever dream. But, it was all water in my hands, quickly seeping through cracks I could not see nor fix; pointless, useless, and wasteful. Carlos was dead, my Carlos was buried in the ground six feet under and it didn't matter what happened that fact would never change. I was so stupid for believing that I could.

"That is the College right?" I sat up slightly and looked to the left where Carlos was pointing, and indeed it was. I nodded.

"Just...go up one more block...down Elm St."

"Isn't that by the lab?"

Again I nodded and placed my head to it's previous spot. I was unable to bring myself to say that yes, it was by the lab because where we first went looking for homes he...Carlos, had wanted one close by the Lab. To make trips home easier when late night science was done.

Tears again started to slowly run down my face as I remembered the times when he had come home those late nights, tired and smelling of chemicals. He would climb into bed careful, trying not to wake me though just the sound of the bedroom door had already pulled me from slumber. I remembered how he would hold me, one arm around my stomach the other curled above my head. I remembered how he would nuzzle my neck and whisper quiet things of love and apologies.

I remembered why I no longer slept in that room. How after a month of being alone I had cleared the living room of all objects that were his and moved them into the bedroom and closets. How I had gone into each area finding all the pictures, placing them face down so not to be haunted as I moved about each day. How the first month every night I would cry until I fell into sleep that would only last for a few hours, and once up again I would resume where my tears had left off.

I no longer wanted to remember. No longer did I want this new Carlos, this person living in as some nightmarish masquerade of my boyfriend, to remember or try to. I wanted it all to fade into nothing, to become non existent. I wanted all of it, all the memories, the trinkets, the people, and this new Carlos to disappear from my life. Maybe then I could move forward.

My attention was pulled forward as we neared….my house. I lifted a heavy arm, pointing to the light blue house.

"That's it. Just past that black Sedan...the light blue one."

I kept my eyes anywhere but him, as much as I wanted nothing more to do with him I already knew that just looking at him created such a longing that I knew I could never have again. It was best to just watch the road, and I did. He slowed down as we neared the house and pulled into the driveway. The moment the car was stopped I opened the door, getting out on my unsteady feet.

He still had the keys, and for all I could care he could keep them. I already knew where the spares were, underneath the small concrete owl that stood guard at our...my door. I didn't even care if he kept the car; maybe it would be a blessing if he did.

"Cecil, wait!"

I had gotten a few feet across the lawn when he called out to me. Maybe it was his tone, or maybe it was my body reacting without much thought; but I stopped and I waited. I could hear the slam of first his door, and a few seconds later mine that I had left open, before he jogged over to where I stood. He placed a hand on my back, gentle and comforting.

"Alright, lets...lets get you inside."

I let him guide me to the door and eventually into the house. I had to show him which key opened the door and the correct finger you had to prick to smear blood on the handle before we make it in. He brought me over to the couch, where I gratefully sat. I rested my elbows on the coffee table and placed my head into my hands, shutting out the room, the world, and more importantly, Carlos.

I didn't know what to think anymore, I knew my mind wanted to go into tiresome circles until I fell asleep or broken into the small stock of alcohol I still had; anything to wash away the thoughts. I instead resolved to listening to the room. The tick of the small wristwatch sadly welcoming me home, the slow drip of the sink in the kitchen that I needed to fix; the sound of Carlos's shoes against the carpet as he moved back to the front door and the quiet click of the door closing.

I didn't even question if he had just left, of course he did. I was not a man he knew nothing of. Some odd weird person who was 'oh so sure' he was my dead lover. Showing him recordings and places I had been 'supposedly' with him; things he did not remember and a voice that was not his. He probably thought me a loon, and maybe he wasn't completely wrong. Maybe I had gone off the edge, into the deep, just wanting the happiness I had back. My eyes burned as tears reappeared for the third time. The searing pain in my chest pushing them out when I thought I had been dry and small sobs from a voice I thought broken.

I remained like that, a mess of whimpers and wet salt, alone in a house that once held so much.

"Cecil…"

I jolted up, startled and panicked, and looked to the direction of the sound. I found myself not as alone as I thought, finding Carlos standing beside the couch in front of the night stand, holding the wristwatch gingerly in his hands.

"Where did you get this?"

"I-I…" It was hard to breathe, my body trapped between a new wave of weeping and adrenaline. "Y-you gave it….to me. It w-was your gift...for our three month anniversary." He looked at me, eyes wide.

"T-that is impossible, Cecil. There can't be two of these watches!" All of my self destructive thoughts stopped, startled by what he said.

"W-what?"

"There cannot be two of these watches, Cecil." He place the watch back onto the table and frantically pulled back his sleeve, revealing a watch identical to the one he had put down, but the wear on it not as significant as the other.

"Cecil, my grandmother made me this watch. There can't be a second one because she only made one of these watches. There shouldn't be two!"

"Well, somehow in the multiple possibilities of the world, there is." I found myself quite agitated at it. I wanted to be alone, to be left to my sadness, and the remainder of it all was still here questioning everything. I just wanted him to go. "N-now if you please, I-"

"Do you," he started as he cut me off, me letting him. "...do you by chance have a photo of us, Cecil?"

I suddenly regretted ever doing anything I had that day; all of it. My limits and boundaries and mental hold had been pushed in so may ways this day. But, in the grand scheme of it, what was one picture filled with memories? What was the torment of one soul for science? I didn't care to find out those answers, and resided myself to standing up and leaving to the bedroom, bringing with me a single picture.

It was us, Carlos and I, on our third date. The one where he had asked me to be his boyfriend; the one where I had the chance to take him home.

I handed him the picture, new hope resurfacing as I watched him. It was foolish, I knew it, but after it all it was all I had left. A small hope that, maybe, regardless of what I knew and told myself, I and the world were wrong. That I could have my Carlos back. His eyes went wide as soon as he saw the picture. He did not tremble, or blink, not even a single perfect hair of his moved.

His was hush and still for a long time, like he was drawn into some trance; and I watched waiting for him to break it. I wiped my face a few times, to get rid of the tears and snot that I had coming from my face. The shock of Carlos still being in the house with me having quickly chased away the tears. He blinked once, and then spoke.

"Are….do you have more pictures, Cecil?"

I nodded, and went to fetch more of them. I pulled the ones from inside of the bedroom and retrieved the ones I had shoved into drawers. I brought them all to him. He went through each one, his features wrinkled and eyes wide in fear.

Slowly, with each picture, his features softened, and soon by the last picture I found him with a small smile. I had to ask, one last time.

"Do you...remember anything now, Carlos?" His face drooped, his answer unneeded. My reality felt like it was starting to collapse in on itself, the last light of my hope going out.

"I don't but, Cecil…" The last flicker of flame stilled, was there something I'm missing?

"Cecil, this is impossible. There is no way that there could have been two of me! All logic and scientific fact point that for this to happen we would have to be living in some Sci-fi story! But…" He looked down at the last picture in his hand, and he smiled. "there is proof that it is in fact real. That this has apparently happened...Cecil, I look so happy. We look so happy...together." He placed the picture down, letting it stand on its frame, the contents for all to see once again.

"I...I don't remember any of it. But, I can see in these pictures how wonderful it must have been! With the stories you told me, with what I heard at the station. Cecil...I want to remember what you remember. I want to have this...life that I apparently had back if I can. All that you have shown me today has, opened, so many possibilities and ideas and new perspective. Such as, how could I have had such a long time with you, living in a house with you and eating dinner, and going on dates and I still do not remember them at all! The implications of that alone are frightening."

He suddenly went speechless and averted his eyes from mind. I did not know what to say, or even how I could console him, or where to begin or if he even needed it. So I just remained silent, watching. It was a few minutes before he made any movements. He rubbed the back of his head, eyes still cast elsewhere but me.

"Cecil...would you, like to try an experiment?" I crinkled my nose at the thought, not sure if I wanted to and relive old times or stay away from rehashing the pain of grieving they still held. Against my better judgment, my curiosity won.

"Experiment?"

"Yes." His eyes moved back again to meet mine, his free hand gesturing in the air, his other now playing absent mindedly with a strand of his hair.

"You see, we've been trying external stimuli. Places, people, things, and none of it has worked. So I was thinking...maybe we could give physical stimuli a try? Maybe some act we used to do might trigger a response, or bring something back. I...I want to remember Cecil, for you and for me. For this life that I no longer am in, a life that...I think I would love living in."

I wanted to wrap my arms around myself, to protect myself from what might come from this, or what he might be suggesting. I did not know if I was ready for any of it.

"W-what were you thinking, Carlos?"

"Something small, some easily done act that we would perform often, something able to be done without much trouble to either party."

"Carlos….Do you...want me to kiss you?"

He put both hands to his sides, palms clenched, and nodded. I knew the why, but I still felt like demanding more. Wanting to understand all that was going through his scientific mind. The equations and calculations and whatever else he might be thinking; what I assumed he would be thinking. But, it would get me nowhere so instead I took a step closer. Knowing that if I said no I would only be lying to myself, knowing I was setting myself up for complete disaster, knowing how odd it would be to kiss my supposed-to-be-dead-boyfriend.

He closed the rest of the space, warmth trailed from my lips to the rest of my body. I felt whole again, for a single moment, and all that was wrong in the world did not matter. It never did. I smiled into the kiss and pushed my lips against his, soaking in the touch of his hand on the side of my face, the closeness of his body, the softness of his lips.

And then he pulled away.

I took a small step back, trying to see his face. Was there something wrong? Had I done something? I was unsure, and I wanted it back so badly. To have back that human connection and skin on skin connection; to have Carlos touch me and kiss me again. But all my questions stopped when I saw his face.

Tears pooled at the corners of his eyes, hand now touching his lips, eyes distant.

"Carlos? Carlos, are you ok?

"I.." He started, tears of his own now falling from his eyes as he looked directly into mine.

"I...still don't remember anything...I...Cecil…I didn't even _feel_ anything…not much of anything at all…."


	5. It's Like Your My Mirror

He Smiled

By Eule Vix

Disclaimer: I do not own Welcome to NightVale, I do not make any money off this story.

Chapter 5: It's Like Your My Mirror

He didn't want to, he never thought of himself as someone who would flee and run. But he had, he ran from the man who had pictures of him, slightly older reflections of himself tucked away in secret places throughout the home of this complete stranger. He could feel the love and affection pouring from the man in those pictures and never had he wanted to be so happy so badly.

It had been a stupid idea, a mistake, a failed experiment that he swore he would never try again as he fled the house of the radio show host. Down the street, over the concrete bowing in some places from the sweltering heat about him. His memories chased him, that stranger chased him, and that smile of himself chased him..

'So happy.' The sounds of his shoes echoed in his ears his thoughts playing to their rhythm.

'He looked so happy.' The sounds were pounding and pulsing, like a beating heart beneath his feet.

'He can't be me, it's impossible.' A stitch in his side crept in a slow burn, his own heart underlying the chorus of the unearthly beating below him.

'This is all impossible.'

"Carlos!"

He stumbled, the rhythm lost in the call of his name in a Southern laced voice.

"Carlos, wait a minute!"

He turned and saw Rochelle running towards him, her hair was frayed and her clothes slight disheveled. He blinked a few times, wiping away any lingering tears. He felt apprehensive, his fears and worries about what he had seen at Cecil's place pushed away for now, sprinting the way he came headed towards the panicked woman. She stopped in front of him, hands falling to her knees and she took deep breaths between every few words.

"Carlos! I….I've been….lookin' everywhere…for ya!" He placed a hand on her shoulder, a twisting in his gut made him taste bile. Something in him, something odd and distant, like light fingers gracing the back of his mind, ghosted his body with a dark foreboding. He pushed it back, and leaned down touching Rochelle's shoulder gently as he waited for her to catch her breath.

"Rochelle, are you alright? What's happened?" She straightened, grasping both of his shoulders tight enough that he winced and swallowed down a small hiss of pain.

"Where is Cecil?" Each of her words was pointed and sharp.

"I...He's back at his house. I just…left." She did not know, she could not feel the dark ooze that crept along his shoulders as he said that he had left. That he had just run and left a grieving man, someone who needed comfort and sympathy, because of his own fear; a fear that he had a life before what he now lived.

"Good. Carlos, I gotta feelin' that there is some dark things at work here. I don' think you should talk ta' Cecil anymore, Carlos." His mind went silent, the twisting of his stomach went taut, and he found himself blinking rapidly at the other Scientist.

"What do you mean, Rochelle?"

"Wha' I mean is this, Carlos. Either he's lyin' like a fake John Peter or someone's got their claws in 'im like Hiram an' a sack o' meat. He's not ta be trusted!"

His head started to swim as she spoke, his body threatened to sway if the woman had not still had her hands on him, keeping him steady.

"No! Just…Why can't he be trusted? I need proof, solid substantial proof! Because, Rochelle, today I have seen and heard things that are completely improbable, unreasonable, and go against everything that is determined by the laws of space and time. Rochelle, he has pictures of me that I had never been in, letters and handwritten notes I never wrote. He has my watch, Rochelle!"

He found himself panting at the end of his verbal gush, his words had near spilled over each other, his gestures had been frantic. Every piece of him wanted to run again until his sides hurt and he could puke up the ugly gnarled feeling in his abdomen. Logic was beyond his grasp and everything pointed to the improbable. Rochelle removed her hands from his shoulders.

"I don't got your proof, Carlos, only your trust. I overheard something. Twas sinister, and cruel."

"Then I can't believe that hypothesi-"

"But if ya give me time. I will find you some proof."

He stared meekly at her. If she could find this proof if she could show him some kind of real and tangible evidence then maybe something, anything, and he could feel okay again. Something solid, something that is not weird or strange or trying to kill him. Anything to stop his head from swimming.

She frowned and her features softened as she looked at Carlos.

"Ya gotta give me some time, then. But, for now, let's get ya home, Carlos."

She closed the space between them, slipping protective arm around his shoulders and she started to guide him home.

[+]-[+]-[+]

Their trek back to the lab was unremarkable, a gray haze amongst the many pictures in his mind's eye. He ran calculations, trajectories, theories, and different hypothesis amongst the mental holes in his brain. Memories of his past, memories of past loves, of gifts, of Cecil clinging to him tightly, of his clothes wetting from his tears. It had all seemed that the man's emotions were real, tangible, so thick that they had been close to manifesting in the room with them like some dark shadow.

He refused to eat dinner with the others once they came back to the lab. Rochelle insisted, saying that with whatever forces might be lurking about, it was best to play it safe, to keep to the same schedule; but he declined. He retreated to his room, and lay on his bed, attempting to put each piece of this unfathomable problem together.

His mind ran in circles, thoughts of the day, of the week, going over each person he met and every move he could remember them making. There had to be something to show this, there had to be some sort of proof that would let his mind stay at ease.

His mind did not stop and eventually he fell asleep in his clothes. He dreamt of a desert with a blinking light, of a voice he could not understand but knew so well. He saw his lab, all its insides broken and shattered on the floor, Inez standing in the middle of the wreckage. He saw numbers and lines and boiling liquids, his reflection in them. He could not make out his own distorted face in the reflection of the glasses, despite his efforts. He saw Cecil, floating and sleeping, he ran and tried to touch the man to understand, to know why, but he never got closer.

When he woke up he decided that he would stay inside, that the stress of the previous day warranted such a break. So he spent most of his day in the lab, puttering around, taking care of the experiments that needed to be watched. He made sure to read the instructions that Dave had written him. Precautions needed to be taken with how deadly Night Vale was, and with what he had seen in just a week he was glad to have such advice.

The lab was empty except for him, and for most of the day it remained so. Rochelle had come to check on him once, told him she had found nothing so far, but not to worry. The rest of the day was quiet and by the end of it Carlos felt less shaky and his mind was more at peace. At some point he wondered if he should go and try to find Cecil, but declined the notion. He did not know the man, no matter how much he may have wanted to. He saw this supposed life they had, one far happier than the life he'd had before. But he knew Rochelle better, and he trusted his Scientists. So he waited and the day passed and soon again he found himself plagued with weird dreams and a cold sweat.

It was by the third day that Rochelle came to him with a small recording device in her hand.

"Carlos…" He turned around from the microscope he had been using to look at some cannibalistic bacteria. "Ya need ta hear this…"

He turned around and eyed her. She looked ragged, her clothes dirty, her hair in frayed strands around her head. She had her hand held outward, a small recording device laying in her palm. She stepped closer to him before hitting the play button.

"_-on't ask me to do that, you know I can't!"_ It was Cecil's voice, urgency in the deep tremble of it.

"_I can't keep this façade up forever. I can't play with the heart of an innocent man, Earl!"_ Carlos didn't know if it was the tape's horrid shape or some drenching fear that made his ears ring.

"_I know he is an outsider, that he's not part of Night Vale. I have done as you asked and showed him the town, the recording, my home. I will still do this last thing, but once I am done, that is it. Go and find yourself a new errand boy."_ The recording went silent. Carlos could hear the buzzing, the white noise of the blank tape and the shifting of clothing.

Soon, the white noise was gone as well, replaced but a few sudden electrical pops. Carlos's body jerked, and his world came back into focus as he saw that Rochelle had just placed the tape into a small beaker filled with a corrosive chemical. He stood there, watching the liquid bubble and turn dark, the tape and the electronics inside being dissolved into smaller molecules that could never be placed back together. The evidence of what was said was now locked in his memory.

There was a scuffing sound from the hall. A young woman just slightly shorter than Carlos came through the doorway typing something on her phone, walking in a slight limp so fluid it seemed like she was dancing. It was Inez De Valle, fellow college alumni and dear friend. She hummed as she continued to walk, the light reflecting off her brown eyes between strands of her red hair, her facial scars obviously seen in the light. She flicked the screen again with her fingers as she continued her pace to the two.

Carlos he found himself trapped in his own body. His heart was racing, his mind running with the new knowledge and mental images of that day with; his brain trying to pick apart the lies and the truths. He hardly registered that it was Rochelle who spoke next.

"Inez, dear! I didn' see ya there! How have you been?"

"Just catching up on my YouTube videos," There was a pause. Inez shifted the weight on her leg as she turned towards Rochelle. "Someone made a bit of a nasty video of my favorite character. Kind of disheartening really, he's such a sweet soul. Ah well, someone will take care of the culprit." Inez waved a hand dismissively in the air.

"Well, while that is taken care of, these cultures won't! Did you happen to see where my notes went? I think I was on the verge of discovering a new element." Inez said.

Carlos felt queasy and his legs unsteady as the conversation continued. He tried to focus on the mundane talk, but his head spun with the words and lies of a seemingly broken man. He moved a hand to rest against the table, holding himself up.

"No, dear. I have not." Rochelle's features were cross and taught, a near scowl on her lips.

"Why don' ya let me an' Carlos here get out a your way dearie. Wouldn' want ya ta get inta any troubles with your notes, now would we?"

"Yes, somehow misplacing my notes always gets me into trouble. Speaking of which, did I ever tell you about my senior prank? We created this cool mixture of soap and other products." She waved her arms out expanding them in the air. "Made a large explosion and created some waves in the fountains right? We wouldn't have got caught if I didn't lose that damn notebook of mine with the calculated mixtures. I think we can replicate it, too. I mean, the soap mixture here is nothing I ever encountered before!"

Inez clamped a hand onto his shoulder. He jerked and turned to look at her, his eyes wide, but she wasn't looking at him. Instead she was watching Rochelle. He tried to speak, but found his voice caught in this throat. There was something else they were talking about, be he had missed most of the double speak while absorbed in his own thoughts.

"We won't be as brash, since it's just a fun little experiment. No explosions this time." She let out a forced laugh, and the grip on her phone tightened. "We'll be careful like I was with my alma mater. I remember I was so territorial of it. Anything ever happened to it, I made sure I took care of whoever defaced it."

"Then," Rochelle's voice was dark, and low. Carlos shivered, as though a small wave of spiders had suddenly crawled down his back. "Ya' better keep an eye on those notes, my dear. If those get lost, who knows wha'll happen." Rochelle left before Carlos or Inez could speak.

Carlos watched her leave, his voice still and body quivering. He searched his memories to see if he had remembered waking up, hoping he had just been dreaming the whole thing. He felt a shift beside him and a weight lift from his shoulder. His head snapped at Inez, her face slacked with a small frown on her face, watching the doorway Rochelle had just exited from.

"Inez?" He asked tentatively.

Her movements were slow, careful and delicate. She looked back at him once and forced a smile to cross her face. He knew she was trying to reassure him, of what he did not know. Everything was uncertain and nothing concrete and he felt as though he could go outside, the sky would be pink, and that would be just fine. As he was again trapped in his thoughts, Inez wordlessly left, leaving Carlos alone in the room. After a few minutes Carlos soon followed suit, making his way to the second floor and to his room. He needed some time to think.

[+]-[+]-[+]

The sun had set, he had been studying it since his arrival in town but he now found it to be trivial compared to what large thing might have fallen into his lap. Why had Cecil been lying to him, who was this Earl and what other connections did he have, and ultimately what exactly was the whole picture. What had that entire conversation between Inez and Rochelle been about, what had he missed. He hated knowing only the small sliver of information he had, he needed more. He needed to run tests and collect information, he needed to take each piece apart and somehow fit it all back together. He understood nearly nothing and all the evidence contradicted itself. He briefly pondered if attempting to understand particle behavior in quantum physics would be easier.

He rolled over onto his side, facing his closet. He had been in town for a little more than a week; a week since he had been given the letter that he was accepted to journey to Night Vale, a week later since he had that interview with Mrs. Paltine over the rules of the expedition and possible things he might encounter, a week since he had come to Night Vale on- his thoughts came to an abrupt stop.

A week later since he came to Night Vale on what? He could not remember.

A hand suddenly slipped over his mouth, cutting off his air and his scream. The body of another person expertly spun and pinned him to the bed before he had much of a chance to struggle. His brain raged, his saw a flash of red, and in his fear he thrashed against the limbs that were holding him down. He bit at the hand that was cutting off his ability to draw breath, his lungs desperate to gasp new air. He opened his eyes to see his assailant and find some way to get out meeting a quick end; or one that he hoped would be quick.

But his eyes met auburn hair and dark brown eyes lit by an internal fire that only belonged to one person he knew. Inez De Valle, fellow college alumni and dear friend, sat on his chest. She was strong, she was a fighter, and she was not someone to attack another human, let alone Carlos, without good reason.

Once he had stopped struggling she quickly moved her hand her his mouth and placed a single finger over hers as he gasped for his long needed air. As he regained his air and attempting to calm his seething lungs, she reached down next to the bed, picking up a small leather bound book and a small white piece of paper. She silently placed the book next to his head. She flipped the paper around, words were scrawled on it in dark red, the letters still fresh. As he inhaled he could smell the slight tinge of iron, confirming his suspicion that it had been written in blood.

_Read the book alone._

_Burn it when done._

_Don't look for me._

As he read the hairs on his arms stood on edge. He opened his mouth to speak and quickly a hand was again clasped over it. The only response from her was a slow shake of her head. She removed her hand again, slowly removing herself from him and his bed. He sat up as she crumpled the paper she held, sticking it into her mouth, chewing on the fibrous thing.

He decided that he had never woken up, that he was dreaming, that his mind had completely made up this whole day, and any moment he would wake up from this weird nightmare. By the time he came back from his thoughts, contemplating how to determine if this was possibly too much of the weird spinach dish Dave had made the night before, Inez was gone.

He looked down at the small book, a journal or diary, one he had never seen before. Whether he was dreaming or not, a Scientist was always curious. He picked up the small bound thing, the leather rough and covered in a pattern reminiscent of snake skin that reflected in the small light that trickled in from the hallway. There was a strap that wrapped around it twice and looped through a triangular shaped bloodstone, its edges sharp and surface smooth. He fiddled with it, testing its edge and cut a small slit next to his fingernail. He let out a small hiss at the paper-cut like pain, and placed the finger in his mouth and sucked.

He never thought books could ever really harm someone. He supposed now that ideology might need to be revisited. He removed the finger and took to unbinding the book and flipped open to the first page. The paper was tinged and off-yellow, he could not tell if by age or design, but on the first page scrolled in Inez's handwritting in the corner was an arrow and the words 'in the back' next to it. He flipped past the other pages filled with written words, his hands feeling sticky against the leather of the book, and his chest tightened as he came to the last few pages. Again in blood was Inez's words, a letter much longer than any previous. His hands started to shake more and more with each word he read.

_Carlos,_

_I am sorry I will not get to say goodbye. However, you must read this book, never let it off your person, do not take it out in public unless under extreme circumstances, and burn it once you're done. This book is not supposed to exist._

_Don't let them catch you. Trust Cecil, and no one else. If you can't, then trust in my trust in him._

_Don't come looking for me. It's better if you consider me dead._

_Also, please make sure not to die again. I don't think Cecil could handle it happening twice._

He didn't know what to think. Maybe it was some hazing prank she decided to play, though his running theory that he was dreaming seemed much more substantiated. He flipped back to the front of the book, and started to finger through the pages. He came to the first entry and a chill traveled down his spine.

In blue ink, on a page well-worn and stained, lay his own handwriting. He leaned over the small book, reading the bit of the first entry.

_July 15, 2012_

_I have recently discovered a need for a journal. I have never been keen on owning one. However a...situation, has arisen for the need of one._

_I thought I had been seeing things, feeling things on my body that were not there. So, I did as any good Scientist would do, and I performed an experiment. I expected the test to result in nothing, for it to have been some odd figment of my imagination. However I am starting to grow worried, for when I received my awaited haircut I found that I had indeed been wrong in my hypothesis._

_I read the numbers, and I am not sure what they mean. I am not sure why I have a bar code tucked away in my hair, or what the small lump in it's center may be. The Barber (Telly I believe his name is) I do not believe saw it fully. Or, I hope, I fled before the haircut could be complete._

_I…believe there is a chip embedded underneath the barcode, I can feel ridges and outline of it, no larger than my thumbnail._

_I am also quite sure that leaving the lab until further notice is a bit…necessary._

_I am not sure what this is, how it got on my body. I will research it further until I can come to a logical explanation, something rational._

_I have to. I'm a Scientist._

_~ Carlos_


End file.
